A mask, a song, a book.....

So folks, it's been a long time since I've updated this blog. What have I been up to? The same old-same old really except now both my daughters are in school and doing well there. I have more work as an editor and translator, but am still occasionally teaching and making jewelry. After literally wanting one for years, I finally bought myself a piano, a Roland FP-50 in Liberace-white. I play most nights with the earphones on once the kids are in bed.

Like before, I also have many creative pursuits going on (I asked a student recently if they think there is such a thing as a "hobby person" although I already definitely know the answer to that question!) My latest project is a book on the mask L'Inconnue de la Seine which has inspired me for a long time. Many people find the mask creepy (albeit, it is), but L'Inconnue has also inspired generations of artists, musicians and writers, Nabakov, Rilke and Man Ray among the more famous names. Here's a video I made to promote the project:   

      

That's me singing on the video. I wasn't sure about posting it because my tecnique is definitely not where it should be (years of singing classical make one into quite the perfectionist even if one would rather not be....) But then again, Lieder and art songs were originally composed to also be sung by amateur singers in their homes, so why not? Plus, I was worried I might run into copyright issues if I used Rosa Ponselle's version of Vissi d'Arte like I originally wanted to, something that can be expensive (i.e. hefty fines) in Germany as opposed to a mere slap on the wrist.

To find out more about my book project, click here. Heck, if you feel like, go ahead and pre-order. It's a steal at only $9.99 plus you will only be charged if the book goes into production which, let's face it, is not extremely likely since I'd need to sell a minimum of 750 copies within the next two and a half months. Still, it's worth a try. I've always wanted to write a book. Here's my chance. :)                          

I stitch, therefore I am

So anyone who has ever glanced at this blog has probably figured out that my two current main creative pursuits are a)making jewelry and b)stitching photographs. About a week ago it dawned on me: Why not combine the two? I bought lots of really great ribbon and lace the last time I was in California. So far I've handsewn it to clothing I'm altering (true Sisyphus-like work, I'm telling you....)but some of it is so pretty that I thought why not stitch together a pendant. A few hours of work later and, voila, a lovely Fleur de Lis necklace....

Who am I?

Whether you've come to this blog on purpose or stumbled onto it by accident the question still remains: Who am I?
I am the girl with the camera taking self-portraits. The insomniac who lives to dream. The woman who believes in the power of the heart.



At twenty-five I moved from California where "winter" means a few weeks of rain in January and a scarf is a fashion accessory


to Berlin where spring and summer are optional and fall and winter inevitable.


I've been married twice. Once for all the wrong reasons, once for all the right. The second time was in the San Francisco Court House under a giant Christmas tree covered in origami. My father could be there which made it extra special. He died of bone cancer four months later.






My husband
may be German, but he knows the good in an old fashioned American hamburger.




What do I believe? I believe you are as
much where you came from as where you
are now.




I believe in love and in the family.








I believe in the creative life.

Trying out Art Fire

So I'm trying out Art Fire to see what it's all about. It's only been a few days and I only have one piece on there right now, but so far I find the layout easier than Etsy with some nice features like being able to link your shop to various other websits and blogs. Still, my heart lies more with etsy and I find it somehow "hipper" than Art Fire seems to be. Still, I'll give it a try for a while and see how it goes. Here is a link to the shop which should be expanding soon: Contessa

25 Things

Just 25 points about myself to help anyone reading this to get a better feel for the person behind the words.

1. When I was 13 I joined an international pen pal club (ah yes, the glorious days before the Internet.) At the height of it all I had over 30 penpals from all over the world and am still have some contact with one from Finland and Poland. My rule was I wrote back to anyone who wrote to me no matter what even Charlie from Norway who wrote me the same exact letter TWICE (word for word) and was annoyingly boy crazy....

2. In my family I was known as the bitchy one (that's for you Renee!) It is, of course, not in the least bit true....

3. When I was 25 I moved from the Bay Area to Berlin. I meant to stay a year or so and learn German, then go back to the U.S. for grad school. Ten years and two babies later I'm still here. Hmmm.....

4. I am related, by marriage, to Count Alfred von Schlieffen, the mastermind behind the infamous Schlieffen plan (ok, I only expect the most truly geeky who are up on their military history to know this reference. That said, my dad knew right away and was quite impressed!)

5. Because of my farm girl heritage and obvious high tolerance for pain, I gave birth twice 100% naturally. My second daughter was a water birth which was very cool. My husband said she looked like a minature whale when they lifted her out of the water.

6. When I was a teenager I often wore a red velvet hat I bought at the Renaissance Faire. Inside was a secret pocket where I kept a spoon I once stole from my favorite cafe in Berkeley. Needless to say, I was a rather strange teenager.

7. One of my best friends in Berlin is a fellow Californian who was living for years in the South Bay while I was in the East Bay. But we never met until we were both teaching English in Germany. When I first met her I knew in about ten seconds that she was from California.

8. I am totally terrified of those grey brown sucker fish people keep in aquariums to eat the algae. If you look into their beady little eyes you just know they would love to get the chance to suck your brains out. Seriously.....This phobia makes dining in Chinese restaurants a sometimes stressful occasion....

9. I once took a month long intensive Russian course at an institute in Moscow. In the cafeteria the wall was covered in little cockroaches, ready to storm the leftovers. This never bothered any of the Russians and even I got used to it. I did, however, avoid the soup the day that, mysteriously, none of the little buggys were in their usual places....

10. My birthday is February 16th. Because I always lived in Arizona or California I always thought I was born in the Spring. It wasn't until I moved to Berlin that I realized February is the freaking middle of Winter!

11. I met my husband in an astrology course. Besides being a count (as is my husband), his brother is also a painter and the astrologer who was teaching the course. Oh yes, and this is my second marriage. Believe me, my life is not as mysterious and glamorous as this number 11 might make it sound.

12. Point in fact: I am currently listening to children singing Hickory Dickory Dock. When the last time you heard My name is John Jingleheimer Schmidt? It is now one of my staples....

13. I firmly believe in following my heart but also consulting my head. Still, when push comes to shove, my heart always wins. So far, it hasn't really let me down.

14. I like to make stuff. Collages. Jewelry. Short stories (a kind of making I guess.) If you have creative impulses, follow them. Don't censor them or put yourself down. Don't shame yourself because you will (probably)never make a living with them. Creativity makes the world go round.

15. When I was around 11 I had this feverish desire to find the secret under ground cave I was sure must be in our backyard (you know, stalagmites, underground lake full of blind catfish, the works.) The real reason was that I realized I could charge admission to see it since it would be on our property. Actually, almost all of my creative childhood endeavors and missions had making piles of money as their main motivation. Hmm....Whatever happened??

16. My sister almost drowned me by pushing me into a swimming pool when I was 8. My head bled a lot. Ouch.

17. I have been known to have very strong opinoins that I, at some point, inexplicably change. Some people find this bizarre and (I'm assuming)a bit scary. Others tell me its one of the things they love most about me.

18. When I was around 10 I had a subscription to Cat Fancy magazine. I had cat posters all over the walls and a handmade sign on my door that said "Welcome to Kitty Heaven." This fact was something I was teased for relentlessly by my family until, like, yesterday.

19. I was a painfully shy teenager. Although I haven't really been that shy for quite a few years I suppose I will always be somewhat introverted and not always the best "group" person. Every one in my family is like this, but when we get together it's so loud you would think we were from Sicily or something. I guess we are all a bunch of walking talking paradoxes!

20. I have had just about every pet you could imagine at some point in my life except a tarantula (but I thought about it.) The last two were a pair of Senegal parrots named Melena and Coco. I gave them up when my first daughter was born and now I have no pets, though kids are something like pets only better.

21. I love big cities and will never ever live in the suburbs. Since they will grow up in the city, I wonder if my daughters will one day long for a house with a fenced in yard. Time will tell....

22. I am a trained opera singer, a dramatic mezzo soprano. My teacher told me it would a sin against God to not become a professional singer. But I just wasn't commited enough to go all the way. I'm sure God understands. I still do love to sing though, though not really John Jingleheimer Schmidt that much.

23. When I was fourteen I dreamed of one day having twins and naming them Java and Jory. I believe I got the idea from a V.C. Andrews book. This is one of the myriad of reasons I am very glad I was not a teenage mother!

24. Yes, I do speak fluent German, but I do nothing to reduce my accent because why should I? I'm a foreigner and proud! I do get annoyed when, on occasion, waiters, etc. hear my accent and then answer my question (asked in German) in English. Invariably, their English also sucks and I know the arrogance behind it (i.e. no American could really speak German.) Grrr!!!

25. My favorite animal is a Rhino. They may be slow and (seemingly)clumsy but when they get angry, then watch out! Hmm. Wonder what that says about me?

Life and the Art of Making Peanut Butter Cookies

Many women say that having children has put a damper on their creativity. Luckily, this hasn't been the case with me. If anything, being a mother has torn down some inner blocks within myself letting me be more free and, dare I say it, action orientated. Since Lilly was born I've made a lot of new collages and jewellry, always humming and singing while I work. A sure sign, my husband says, that I am happy. Yesterday was an interesting case and point. It was a Sunday of a not so easy weekend. My husband worked long hours the week before and I was looking forward to some family time together as well as a break from the babies (or at least shared time). Reality, family style, reared its ugly head when my husband woke up on Saturday with a nasty cold and had to spend all day in bed. Still, I had a pretty ok day, made a new 50s nude ladies collage and worked on some ideas for new necklace designs. Sunday my husband was feeling a bit better but still laid down for most of the morning. I was hanging out with my babies, grooving as we do, but I was at a loss for what to work on. Not in the mood for art or crafting, not in the mood to read, the babies are doing their own thing. And then I was struck with inspiration, a let's-bake-cookies-eureka from the sky. Of course, they had to be peanut butter, a type of cookie that doesn't even exist in Germany except at Barcomi's, a cafe run by a native New Yorker. I used creamy peanut butter and listened to NPR, the babies sitting beside me. Mia and I ate lots of cookie dough and I'm sure my milk had a tinge of peanut buttery goodness for Lilly later. They were delcious!

A shooting session in the graveyard

Winters in Berlin are tough. Grey skies everyday, frozen dog shit all over the street (frozen if you're lucky that is!), grim faces... A native California girl, I've never liked it even before I had kids. Now that I have two young children, the season is basically unbearable. A double stroller, two sets of snowsuits, no car....Cars are expensive to have in Berlin and since we live in a great urban neighborhood we don't really need one (we can borrow my brother-in-law's if need be...) But still, babies, a heavy stroller, a subway system where nearly NO station has an elevator and only sometimes an escalator (very steep stairs in their place)I almost never leave the neighborhood. I've been keeping myself busy with creative projects so I don't go crazy. Jewelry making, collages, etc. for my two etsy shops. Still, there is a problem with light. In order to post the items I have made to offer them for sale in Schaufenster and Rose, red Rose I have to take photographs. Though lovely, our apartment doesn't get very good light. Many an afternoon I've driven myself crazy taken blurry picture after blurry picture. Occasionally I set up things in the courtyard in the back, but it's not really much fun even if the light is better. Yesterday I had a revelation: I need to take photographs and get out of the house a little bit. Why not go to one of the graveyards nearby? There are two really nice ones (including one where Brahms and Schumann are buried.) When Mia was in pre-school I packed up baby Lilly and headed to the one on Bergmannstrasse. The sun was actually shining and I got some great shots of both the necklace and two collages which was great. Photographs plus small winter outing equals sucess. Hooray!

New space for what's important...

Yesterday I emptied out a shelf of teaching materials to make room for my jewelery supplies. It felt so liberating. I've been teaching English as a Foreign Language for nearly ten years now. For a long time I found it really satisfying and fun, but for the past three years or so I've gotten really burned out. Always the same mistakes, always the same uptight, anal attitudes (Northern Germans are NOT very easy to teach, especially for someone from laid back California!!!) Cleaning out a shelf for my supplies was like a breath of fresh air, a statement that I am going in another direction more and more. Now I just need to empty out another shelf for my sewing supplies (all jumbled in a bag behind the bedroom door now) and another for writing notes and the transformation will be more and more complete. Believe and it will happen!

Ain't life grand?

I launched my new etsy shop, Rose, red Rose today. A lot of the ideas and inspiration came from my one month creative hiatus in California. When I was there I made the rose brooch pictured in the slide show below. I loved it so much that I decided I had to keep it, but it made a perfect logo for my new shop (which I named before making it.) So many new ideas, so many new things to make....Ain't life grand?

Downtime

Sometimes the best move for creativity is a little downtime. I've been in the Bay Area now for almost a month visiting my family here with my husband and two daughters. This means a big difference in my daily life in Berlin which usually consists of taking baby number one to pre-school and holding baby number two in my lap while I work on various creative projects. Like I posted before, I have started making a lot of new collages but things are too hectic here for concentrated work. But in my mind I've been expanding. I have many new images collected I'd like to work with as well as ideas for altered clothing (plan to open a new etsy shop for this work when I get back.) I'm also opening a new shop for jewellery which will be called Rose Red Rose. There are so many great vintage and antique pieces to be had in Berlin and I would like to combine them with new materials to make original pieces. Creating is so much fun. In some ways, I am the eternal child, excited about all these new possibilities, all these new projects to throw myself into. With so much to do even the Berlin winter won't be able to get me down.
Besides thinking up future creative projects I've been doing some shopping on etsy (first for gifts then for myself. It can't be helped!!) One of the best people I've bought from recently was Kathleen from Mata Hari Jewellery. A lot of people make jewellery from vintage brass -with a neo-victorian touch, but her pieces are especially beautiful and she also gives a free gift each puchase which is really nice.

Etsy Buy Handmade roseredrose

I love Berlin/I hate Berlin

Anyone who has been to my Etsy shop probably has figured out by now that the city where I live, Berlin, inspires me. It has been the subject of several collages and will come into play creatively now and again I'm sure. Berlin has been my home for almost ten years now. I once heard from a fellow (aging) ex-pat that 10 years is the cut off date. If you are still in Berlin at that point there is no going back. I will always love California and miss my family and the Pacific Ocean everyday, but Berlin has my heart. Berlin is where you can still find a studio apartment for 200 Euros and so what if it has coal heating and is in Neukölln: you can concentrate on your art and what and who you love. Berlin is where no one cares what you are doing so go ahead and do whatever you want. In Berlin, everyone is from somewhere else. This morning I heard a familiar sound out my window. It was the roaming gypsy band who makes their appearance every 6 months or so. The stroll down the street and play their instruments hoping that people will toss money from their windows. Where else do things like this happen?

But I also hate Berlin. Berlin is where I can't count on people opening doors and asking me if I need help as I'm struggling with the baby buggy. Berlin is where I have literally gotten bruises from people who slammed into me and then, as usual didn't apologize or say excuse me. It is where no one smiles at or chats nicely with a stranger; strangers are your mortal enemies, not to be trusted until they have, by trial of fire, proved otherwise. Berliners speak a language where there is no word for "anal" because the word they use is "normal". Perhaps there is no such thing as paradise....