Who am I?

Whether you've come to this blog on purpose or stumbled onto it by accident the question still remains: Who am I?
I am the girl with the camera taking self-portraits. The insomniac who lives to dream. The woman who believes in the power of the heart.



At twenty-five I moved from California where "winter" means a few weeks of rain in January and a scarf is a fashion accessory


to Berlin where spring and summer are optional and fall and winter inevitable.


I've been married twice. Once for all the wrong reasons, once for all the right. The second time was in the San Francisco Court House under a giant Christmas tree covered in origami. My father could be there which made it extra special. He died of bone cancer four months later.






My husband
may be German, but he knows the good in an old fashioned American hamburger.




What do I believe? I believe you are as
much where you came from as where you
are now.




I believe in love and in the family.








I believe in the creative life.

25 Things

Just 25 points about myself to help anyone reading this to get a better feel for the person behind the words.

1. When I was 13 I joined an international pen pal club (ah yes, the glorious days before the Internet.) At the height of it all I had over 30 penpals from all over the world and am still have some contact with one from Finland and Poland. My rule was I wrote back to anyone who wrote to me no matter what even Charlie from Norway who wrote me the same exact letter TWICE (word for word) and was annoyingly boy crazy....

2. In my family I was known as the bitchy one (that's for you Renee!) It is, of course, not in the least bit true....

3. When I was 25 I moved from the Bay Area to Berlin. I meant to stay a year or so and learn German, then go back to the U.S. for grad school. Ten years and two babies later I'm still here. Hmmm.....

4. I am related, by marriage, to Count Alfred von Schlieffen, the mastermind behind the infamous Schlieffen plan (ok, I only expect the most truly geeky who are up on their military history to know this reference. That said, my dad knew right away and was quite impressed!)

5. Because of my farm girl heritage and obvious high tolerance for pain, I gave birth twice 100% naturally. My second daughter was a water birth which was very cool. My husband said she looked like a minature whale when they lifted her out of the water.

6. When I was a teenager I often wore a red velvet hat I bought at the Renaissance Faire. Inside was a secret pocket where I kept a spoon I once stole from my favorite cafe in Berkeley. Needless to say, I was a rather strange teenager.

7. One of my best friends in Berlin is a fellow Californian who was living for years in the South Bay while I was in the East Bay. But we never met until we were both teaching English in Germany. When I first met her I knew in about ten seconds that she was from California.

8. I am totally terrified of those grey brown sucker fish people keep in aquariums to eat the algae. If you look into their beady little eyes you just know they would love to get the chance to suck your brains out. Seriously.....This phobia makes dining in Chinese restaurants a sometimes stressful occasion....

9. I once took a month long intensive Russian course at an institute in Moscow. In the cafeteria the wall was covered in little cockroaches, ready to storm the leftovers. This never bothered any of the Russians and even I got used to it. I did, however, avoid the soup the day that, mysteriously, none of the little buggys were in their usual places....

10. My birthday is February 16th. Because I always lived in Arizona or California I always thought I was born in the Spring. It wasn't until I moved to Berlin that I realized February is the freaking middle of Winter!

11. I met my husband in an astrology course. Besides being a count (as is my husband), his brother is also a painter and the astrologer who was teaching the course. Oh yes, and this is my second marriage. Believe me, my life is not as mysterious and glamorous as this number 11 might make it sound.

12. Point in fact: I am currently listening to children singing Hickory Dickory Dock. When the last time you heard My name is John Jingleheimer Schmidt? It is now one of my staples....

13. I firmly believe in following my heart but also consulting my head. Still, when push comes to shove, my heart always wins. So far, it hasn't really let me down.

14. I like to make stuff. Collages. Jewelry. Short stories (a kind of making I guess.) If you have creative impulses, follow them. Don't censor them or put yourself down. Don't shame yourself because you will (probably)never make a living with them. Creativity makes the world go round.

15. When I was around 11 I had this feverish desire to find the secret under ground cave I was sure must be in our backyard (you know, stalagmites, underground lake full of blind catfish, the works.) The real reason was that I realized I could charge admission to see it since it would be on our property. Actually, almost all of my creative childhood endeavors and missions had making piles of money as their main motivation. Hmm....Whatever happened??

16. My sister almost drowned me by pushing me into a swimming pool when I was 8. My head bled a lot. Ouch.

17. I have been known to have very strong opinoins that I, at some point, inexplicably change. Some people find this bizarre and (I'm assuming)a bit scary. Others tell me its one of the things they love most about me.

18. When I was around 10 I had a subscription to Cat Fancy magazine. I had cat posters all over the walls and a handmade sign on my door that said "Welcome to Kitty Heaven." This fact was something I was teased for relentlessly by my family until, like, yesterday.

19. I was a painfully shy teenager. Although I haven't really been that shy for quite a few years I suppose I will always be somewhat introverted and not always the best "group" person. Every one in my family is like this, but when we get together it's so loud you would think we were from Sicily or something. I guess we are all a bunch of walking talking paradoxes!

20. I have had just about every pet you could imagine at some point in my life except a tarantula (but I thought about it.) The last two were a pair of Senegal parrots named Melena and Coco. I gave them up when my first daughter was born and now I have no pets, though kids are something like pets only better.

21. I love big cities and will never ever live in the suburbs. Since they will grow up in the city, I wonder if my daughters will one day long for a house with a fenced in yard. Time will tell....

22. I am a trained opera singer, a dramatic mezzo soprano. My teacher told me it would a sin against God to not become a professional singer. But I just wasn't commited enough to go all the way. I'm sure God understands. I still do love to sing though, though not really John Jingleheimer Schmidt that much.

23. When I was fourteen I dreamed of one day having twins and naming them Java and Jory. I believe I got the idea from a V.C. Andrews book. This is one of the myriad of reasons I am very glad I was not a teenage mother!

24. Yes, I do speak fluent German, but I do nothing to reduce my accent because why should I? I'm a foreigner and proud! I do get annoyed when, on occasion, waiters, etc. hear my accent and then answer my question (asked in German) in English. Invariably, their English also sucks and I know the arrogance behind it (i.e. no American could really speak German.) Grrr!!!

25. My favorite animal is a Rhino. They may be slow and (seemingly)clumsy but when they get angry, then watch out! Hmm. Wonder what that says about me?

A shooting session in the graveyard

Winters in Berlin are tough. Grey skies everyday, frozen dog shit all over the street (frozen if you're lucky that is!), grim faces... A native California girl, I've never liked it even before I had kids. Now that I have two young children, the season is basically unbearable. A double stroller, two sets of snowsuits, no car....Cars are expensive to have in Berlin and since we live in a great urban neighborhood we don't really need one (we can borrow my brother-in-law's if need be...) But still, babies, a heavy stroller, a subway system where nearly NO station has an elevator and only sometimes an escalator (very steep stairs in their place)I almost never leave the neighborhood. I've been keeping myself busy with creative projects so I don't go crazy. Jewelry making, collages, etc. for my two etsy shops. Still, there is a problem with light. In order to post the items I have made to offer them for sale in Schaufenster and Rose, red Rose I have to take photographs. Though lovely, our apartment doesn't get very good light. Many an afternoon I've driven myself crazy taken blurry picture after blurry picture. Occasionally I set up things in the courtyard in the back, but it's not really much fun even if the light is better. Yesterday I had a revelation: I need to take photographs and get out of the house a little bit. Why not go to one of the graveyards nearby? There are two really nice ones (including one where Brahms and Schumann are buried.) When Mia was in pre-school I packed up baby Lilly and headed to the one on Bergmannstrasse. The sun was actually shining and I got some great shots of both the necklace and two collages which was great. Photographs plus small winter outing equals sucess. Hooray!

Downtime

Sometimes the best move for creativity is a little downtime. I've been in the Bay Area now for almost a month visiting my family here with my husband and two daughters. This means a big difference in my daily life in Berlin which usually consists of taking baby number one to pre-school and holding baby number two in my lap while I work on various creative projects. Like I posted before, I have started making a lot of new collages but things are too hectic here for concentrated work. But in my mind I've been expanding. I have many new images collected I'd like to work with as well as ideas for altered clothing (plan to open a new etsy shop for this work when I get back.) I'm also opening a new shop for jewellery which will be called Rose Red Rose. There are so many great vintage and antique pieces to be had in Berlin and I would like to combine them with new materials to make original pieces. Creating is so much fun. In some ways, I am the eternal child, excited about all these new possibilities, all these new projects to throw myself into. With so much to do even the Berlin winter won't be able to get me down.
Besides thinking up future creative projects I've been doing some shopping on etsy (first for gifts then for myself. It can't be helped!!) One of the best people I've bought from recently was Kathleen from Mata Hari Jewellery. A lot of people make jewellery from vintage brass -with a neo-victorian touch, but her pieces are especially beautiful and she also gives a free gift each puchase which is really nice.

Etsy Buy Handmade roseredrose

Happy Birthday To Me....

So today is my 34th birthday. It's been pretty low key. I hung out in bed and read with my baby Mia beside me while my husband brought me breakfast, cake and flowers. I don't think I got up before 2 o'clock which is impressive even for me, the queen of loungers. Sleep last night wasn't so great. Mia (and hubby Jasper) both have colds which means that she was restless and he snored. I also was hyped up, as I sometimes get, with thousands of ideas for a story I'm working on, stuff I want to make, stuff I want to add to my Etsy shop. Etsy is so addictive and I know I'm not alone! Anyway, we (hubby and I)wanted to go out to a restaurant tonight, maybe spontaneously invite a few friends, but the Austrian place I was dying to go to was all booked out and he really isn't feeling well, so we are doing the celebrating tomorrow. You'd think I would be bummed, but actually I feel great because my birthday wish came true: I got a sewing machine!! Originally I wanted to pick one up in my old neighborhood, the shabby, ill-famed Neukölln. There is a sewing machine shop near where I used to live and, since the area is very far from being posh, I figured the prices would be ok. The prices were good (I could have gotten a good beginners machine for about 163 Euros) but the shop closed at 1 o'clock (or 13 Uhr as they say here)and I didn't get there until 4. Damn you Germany with your archaic early closing hours on Saturdays!! Determined, I came home and started doing some Internet research. From what I gathered, some of the machines and manufacturers are iffy, but you can't go wrong with a Pfaff. I went on Ebay and saw several for sale. One of them, an older model, belonged to a Deutsche Oma (German grandmother.) German grandmas are amazing for their one most distinct features: analness in preserving things. That is why there are so many fabulous antiques here that you can buy for next to nothing. Thank you Deutsche Oma, for your industriousness and cleanliness! Anyway, because it belonged to a German grandma I could rely on the fact that it would be in mint condition. Even better, it came with a box of needles, thread, bobbins, the works. 13 people had already bid on it, but they didn't know that I, the queen of Ebay was watching (nearly all the furniture in my current and former apartment was bought on Ebay, cool 50s and 60s stuff that I got at a bargain!) I swept in at the last minute and got it for 76 Euros, which was exactly what I wanted to pay. My mother gave me 80 Euros for my birthday and I'm pretty broke right now, so it would have been unwise and frivilous (two very un-German traits!)to spend more than that. I can't wait to try it out! Besides altering vintage I also want to add hand sewn recycled bags and purses to my Etsy shop. I am taking a sewing class right now at the adult school and have learned two things: 1. I am very, very, very slow (slower than basically everyone in the class) 2. I am also very accurate. I have a knack for sewing and have wanted to do it pretty much ever since I can remember. And, in about a week when the sewing machine gets delivered, I finally can as much as I want. Hoorah! Happy birthday to me!!