Saturday, January 26, 2008

Home alone on a Saturday night

This is a dismal name for my first new blog on blogspot, but that is how I feel right now. Home. Alone. My husband went out with some friends of ours, a German woman and an Irish man but I had to stay home and watch the baby. Our ten month old Mia, the light of our life but recently, let's face it, a bit of a drag....We went to the Bay Area over Christmas where she got a lot of attention and I got to see a lot of people and the weather was good, not dull and gray like it is here in Berlin. And now I'm back here, alone a lot, with a baby who is ever more demanding. An Aries with Mars in the first house, for any astrology buffs. For those of you who don't know squat about astrology, that means I seriously have my work cut out for me. But I love being a mom. I do. It's just that now, for the first time, it seems hard. I went out with my friend Erica on Thursday night sans baby and hubby and I was like a crazy woman. We went bar hopping to three different places and it wasn't even 10! And my husband Jasper is also feeling the bug, hence his going out tonight and staying out for a while. I understand the need and I don't even mind giving the space but still....Here I am...Home alone on a Saturday night.
But the good news: I worked a lot on a short story that I'm happy with. I am an aspiring writer and have several finished short stories and poems and have been published in smaller magazines but recently I've been a bit discouraged. Maybe because a story I thought had a chance at Glimmer Train didn't cut the mustard. Maybe because I know there's a good chance that I'll spend all of my life slaving away on all of the stories and no one will ever give a damn. The problem is I have to write. If I don't- or when I don't- a small cloud of dissatisfaction gets larger and larger until I can't see straight anymore. I get irritable. Blame my own unhappiness on things not really related to it....But I'm not one of those people who is so "into" being an artist. Honestly, I wish I were something else. Something easier like say, a marine biologist like I wanted to be when I was in Junior High. There must be something satisfying in that. In getting excited about kelp samples and what not. Maybe it's just a case of the grass is greener on the other side, but let me dream now why don't you. What I also love is photography, sewing and making things. Hence, my new site at etsy with the name of Schaufenster. I've already sold two things and I've only been at it a week, so something must be right....Anyway, here's the stuff I sell. I have a feeling I'll be back....If you read this and just couldn't get enough, I also have a blog on MySpace where I post my wacky dreams among other things at MySpace. www.myspace.com/rebeccahdean

Etsy
Buy Handmade
Schaufenster


2 comments:

Tina said...

i really go for the personal memoir stuff. i'm looking forward to the future days of babysitters. at the moment i'm happy if i can stay up til 10. sometimes the 7 week old light of my life falls asleep without me but i'm so tired i don't even enjoy the time. i think i could only blog in response to your blogs. something interesting about that. i can imagine us with purple hair sitting under hair dryers continuing our 40 year ongoing conversation . . .

Schaufenster said...

Yes, something seems important about keeping a diary right now. Maybe you should really try it. I would comment like crazy. Life is so intense for our new parents. We need to keep record of it so we remember all the details when we go in for our wash and sets!

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